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Blog Happens (10 unread)

We're so charming.

Posted: September 26th, 2008, 9:49am EDT by Corn Child

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Military Man has had the week off this past week, owing to the fact that the army MAKES its soldiers use up their leave before the fiscal year comes around for whatever reason. Making a man take a week off work, for two weeks in a row? PAID?! BASTARDS!

Since he and I both had today off we decided to run a couple of errands - including and not limited to buying me bigger jeans for my giant-sized failed-IVF ass, dropping off my possessed demon car at the dealership to make them fix the random honking my car has been doing lately (which in turn makes me scream loudly at it in public - right J?) and we also made a side trip to Sportsman's World (I think that was what it was called, I was really too busy throwing a temper tantrum over being forced into that place to really take note) where the following conversations may or may not have earned us some very dirty looks:

Corn Child passing a huge $500 industrial-waste-sized cooler: Look honey, you could fit like THREE bodies in this thing!

Me, horrified, glaring up at the dead animals adorning the walls: That one's horns look really weird! What's wrong with it?
Military Man: Um, honey, that's a REINDEER.
Me, even more horrified: THEY SHOT RUDOLPH AND PUT HIS CARCASS ON THE WALL?!!!! (Seriously, what is it about killing defenseless wild animals that makes a guy feel "manly"? Take your bullets out on something that deserves it more, like my neighbor's defenseless non-wild chihuahua that barks at 2:00 in the morning!)

Military Man, as we're exiting the store and I'm still grumbling over stupid hunter people: You know, hunting animals really does nothing for me. I've hunted PEOPLE for God's sake.
Rawr.

Posted: September 17th, 2008, 1:57am EDT by Corn Child

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Arizona has some stupid proposition on the ballot this year to define marriage as a union ONLY between a man and a woman. WHO FUCKING CARES?!! I don't understand what bigots are so afraid of. Afraid of having to teach your children tolerance? Gay marriage is already illegal in Arizona so the only reason this is on the ballot is because a bunch of religious fanatics (read: MORMONS) want to further push their religious views on the rest of the world.

Anyway, all of my mormon family and friends keep sending me invites on facebook to join their "vote yes on Prop 101! save marriage!" groups and the next person who does is going to get a flaming bag of poo from me.

I'll be so glad when this election year is OVER.
A few things, list style.

Posted: August 23rd, 2008, 7:33am EDT by Corn Child

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1. We have a new dog. Her name is Maggie. She's a total crackhead. I got her from the local shelter, where I started volunteering. (I SWEAR she's the only one I'm taking home!) She is fond of eating plants, chewing moulding and flipflops, sticking her nose in any passing asscrack, flinging toys across the room and crashing into walls after sliding across the wood floor. Oh yeah, and she drinks out of the toilet. Did I mention that I love my new dog?

2. Emma , after watching me put on eyeliner, informed me that she was going to "wear her eyebrows UP to school today" and then combed them toward the top of her head. Much cackling ensued. I think she was making fun of me!

3. I can't get the tiny peaked, pale face of the dead 600-grammer baby out of my head after last night's horrible evening and subsequent trip to the morgue. (So much for this whole post being light-hearted!)

4. I was discussing the joys of fishing with a four year-old brother of one of my patients as I showed him how to wash his hands before touching baby sister. He was being extraordinarily silly and of course I was egging him on. After a particularly hilarious exchange (I can't remember even what it was about anymore, I just remember really getting chuckly over the whole thing) I just looked at him and asked him if his dad (who was standing a few feet away) had ever told him that he was a goofball. He cocked his little dark head, looked at me seriously and replied, "No, he calls me a dirtbag." Dad, of course, vehemently denied this and looked very embarrassed.

5. My nephew. He's a very serious little soul - an old man in a three year-old's body. I was sitting at a table playing cards with other family members when he came to tattle angrily: "Daddy, Grandpa ate my TOE and won't give it back!"

6. To the co-worker who incessantly talked about being pregnant before she went on maternity leave: I thought we were done hearing your constant whining about your how much your life sucks because you were pregnant. Now that you are back, I see that I was wrong. Now I have to hear your incessant whining about how your breastmilk turned sour. I know we are all nurses and deal with breastmilk on a daily basis anyway but I don't want to accidentally overhear a loud conversation about your breasts and their leakage and how it's sour. EW!
No inbetweens

Posted: July 30th, 2008, 1:07pm EDT by Corn Child

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I love it when Winston *wrmoof*s in his sleep.

I hate it when Winston eats poop.

I hate it when my twenty two year-old sister-in-law with multiple spawn of her own tries to make my failed IVF all about her because we didn't tell *her* about it when we were trying.

I hate it when I'm stuck in computer training classes with 98 year-old women who don't even know what a mouse is. It makes me want to bloody my forehead on a brick wall.

I hate it when I get in trouble in that class because I'm goofing off with my seatmate due to boredom.

I hate getting busted for being bad in class at age 31.

I love being told that my daughter scored in the 98th percentile in the nation for the second-grade equivalent of the AIMS test.

I hate living in Arizona in July and August.

I love knowing that August is really the last horrible Arizona summer month.

I hate being stupid enough to drive a vehicle in Arizona with black leather seats.

I love watching Bailey the sulcata (tortoise) eat. His little pink tongue is the cutest thing evah.

I hate crying at night.

I love when Military Man lets down his guard and rubs my back until I stop crying and do fall asleep.

I love getting pedicures with my eight year-old.

I love my eight year-old more than any other kid in the world.

I love taking pictures with my crappy camera. (Click on pic to see toe jam.)

I love blogging but wish I felt inspired to do it more often.
Deeper thoughts today.

Posted: July 11th, 2008, 5:21am EDT by Corn Child

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Tomorrow is Emma's birthday. We're having a small shingdig with her buddies and my family. The Evil Sister is coming over too - we're making an attempt at amends - wish me luck!

Want to hear a sad story about that sister? She's a super Mormon. Has four kids. Wanted more but had some thyroid problems and hasn't been able to get pregnant since her last, who is now almost eight (and freakin' adorable, BTW). She plopped herself down beside me during the reception at my little sister's wedding in Portland two weekends ago (which kind of sucked, since her kids then surrounded me and I felt REALLY uncomfortable tanking myself up next to them and ended up abstaining that night - MEH!) and even though I haven't any sort of real conversation with her in over six years she suddenly decided to confide in me that she had recently miscarried. She must have heard about my IVF thing and figured we could bond based on both of our losses. Ok, whatever. She told me that she found out she was pregnant but was supposed to go on the "trek" thing that the Mormon church encourages their members to go on - a long week-long march through 100+ degree temps in Pioneer garb pulling handcarts. So she goes, as she states, to "be like a real pregnant pioneer woman". Then she miscarries.

How sad is it that a church has people so brainwashed that they would risk losing a desperately wanted baby solely for a "spiritual experience" and with the thought that since they are doing something faith-promoting that they will be spared any physical consequence of putting their pregnant body through something as taxing as that? It makes me wonder if it's planted some doubts in my sister's mind, although I'm more than positive that even if she's angry at God or whatever it won't lead toward anything positive for her. She's too firmly entrenched with her husband and four kids and the rest of my family to leave. So. Fucking. Twisted. And sad. Even though my sister and I have really hated each other for years I still don't wish that on her.

Work is interesting. Had a 25-week fetus basically turn black on me and try to die the other night. I was fucking SCARED. Had to bag the thing for five minutes (five minutes is a LONG time when a kid is dying) to get it's oxygen sats and heart rate back up. Never have I felt the weight of what I do like I did that night. After it was all over and baby was back in its closed isolette and stable again I took a moment in the bathroom to cry and have a small freakout. What the HELL am I doing? I'm not capable of doing this! I am not good enough to play God and keep these tiny sick things alive! Then after I came out of the bathroom I sat at a bedside with another mother while she cried about her little newborn girl who failed extubation (we tried to take her off the ventilator and it didn't work - thing started grunting and couldn't breathe on its own yet) and ended up intubated again. The baby is really very stable and will be fine, but for mom it was way overwhelming. I ended up sitting next to her with my arms around her while she cried into my shoulder. Good LORD what an emotional roller coaster of a night. I later confided in my manager; going over the things I felt I had done wrong during my first baby's episode. My manager FUCKING ROCKS. She told me she remembered the exact moment she really felt the weight of what we nurses do and how terrified she was and that I had just graduated to being a "real" nurse and that she was so proud of me. For what? Watching a baby almost die in front of me? She reminded me that these kids are only here because of medical intervention and all we can do is get them through our twelve hours and hope that they're still there for our next shift. Whew. I don't write any of this thinking that I'm wonderful or so great to have this job - I'm telling you that I am so overwhelmed and frightened and humbled but I really love what I do so I'm going back next week. I had no idea, when I started nursing school, what this job was really about. It sucks and it's awesome at the same time. I love it and I hate it. But I'm going to keep doing it.

And for lighter thoughts, some recent pictures.
Further testament to my heathen-raising ways

Posted: June 30th, 2008, 5:24am EDT by Corn Child

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Went to Portland this past weekend with the Memma for my sister's wedding. Military Man had to stay home due to lack of funds and lack of dog boarding facilities that cater to dogs that are capable and trained to rip strange peoples' faces off. (So glad I spent $1000 of my much-needed money on a trip where my sister completely ignored her entire family, in true selfish-my-friends-are-so-way-cooler-than-all-of-you fashion!) Emma's basically bored after the three-hour flight so when we get to the hotel room she's picking up the phone and wondering aloud if she can call the front desk or dial 911 to talk to the operators (NO! Put down that phone right now!) and going through all the drawers in the room. My little reader opens the nightstand drawer and upon finding a Gideon's copy of the bible pauses to read the cover and then exclaims disgustedly, "Oh maaaan. I thought this was going to be a nice book for me to read but it's the HOLY BIBLE!" Drawer is quickly slammed shut.

My Mormon mother would be so proud!
Nope.

Posted: May 9th, 2008, 9:55am EDT by Corn Child

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It was negative.

Going to lay low for a while.
Not looking good.

Posted: May 7th, 2008, 2:41am EDT by Corn Child

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I have my blood test on Friday, and I'm told not to pee on a stick, but I did. It was negative this morning. Trying to keep the tears at bay but it's not really working. I'll keep you all posted on Friday for the final results. It's just so hard to believe that none of our three made it.

I find that I'm clinging to Emma. Every moment that I'm home with her I've got her in my lap or we're cuddling or playing. I know she's seven and she's almost too old to be treated like a baby, but I'm enjoying it and so is she. I just feel overwhelmingly glad that I have her and that I DID marry her dad, even though it didn't turn out well. I don't believe in God anymore, but I do believe that some things do, in fact, happen for a reason. Hopefully this infertility thing is another one of those things, but it's hard to tell right now.
Babies!

Posted: April 26th, 2008, 5:10am EDT by Corn Child

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I do. Mine are in my uterus.

We had three embryos divide into morulas. They were all transferred back to their home, as of yesterday. Everyone cross everything that at least one of them sticks! We would have liked to have something to freeze but hopefully we won't need anything after this, right? We'll find out in about a week and a half whether I'm officially knocked up, but for now I'm technically pregnant WITH TRIPLETS.

*Corn Child falls over dead*

Aw, and here's our first family photo!

(The antisocial angry-looking one on the right is obviously already taking after Military Man.)

I really can't believe we've made it this far.
Fertility news

Posted: April 23rd, 2008, 12:06pm EDT by Corn Child

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Well, the egg retrieval went OK. They put me out for the procedure. I was in the middle of a story and then noticed the nurse injecting some clear something into my I.V. I asked if it was normal saline, and she LIED and told me it was just Fentanyl, a pain med. I felt a little dizzy and she told me to stay with her - I continued my story about biting the tech when I had my wisdom teeth out - and the next thing I know, I'm on a bed in another room completely dressed! I didn't even get to finish my story! The scary part about it was that I wore my Super Woman thong to the appointment and rolled it up in my jeans, which I laid on a chair. When I woke up I was wearing it again, along with my jeans. I wonder how much they laughed as they dressed me......

So anyhoo, we have five eggs. I'll find out tomorrow how many, if any, are going to be implanted in me on Friday.

Please cross your digits for me! Because the world surely needs a Corn Child/Military Man hybrid!