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• 

  Moving On

  Posted: September 29th, 2008, 5:15pm EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  I have not updated in awhile, mostly because I started this blog originally to vent about my journey out of Mo-ism. It's become such a non-issue to me that I often feel like I don't have much to say here. I also have family that is so spread out that I have pondered starting a more family-friendly blog to keep in touch with them all.
  
  And so, I invite you to visit me at my new location... http://amysperfectblog.blogspot.com
  
  I might occasionally use this blog when the need arises. I will keep it up for now. My new blog will be pretty much the same, only my immediate family won't have access to all my old archives.
  
  Also, please be patient with me as I get my new blog looking pretty, and also as I recreate all my links. Feel free to comment on my new blog to help me with those links.
• 

  Damn Cat - a coda

  Posted: August 8th, 2008, 3:25pm EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  After wrassling with my ding dong dang cat for two weeks trying to get her to take her antibiotic, I was thrilled that #1 she was doing great and back to her old ornery self and #2 I no longer had to suffer grave bodily injury on a daily basis.
  
  So when I came home Monday and noticed she had one goopy half closed eye, I hoped it would quickly heal itself. By Thursday it was completely gooped shut, so I took her back to the vet. She has a corneal ulcer. Great.
  
  So now for the next two weeks I have to put kitty ointment in her eye three times every day.
  
  You may help the cause by donating blood at your local Red Cross.
• 

  The Week From Hell

  Posted: July 26th, 2008, 3:11am EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  Thursday - Erik is out of town. I take Marc to his testing appointment and return to find out the hermit crab is dead. Have to call Lisey (who is camping with Erik) to tell her.
  
  Friday - Erik calls to tell me he blew out a tire while off-roading. Approximate cost, $200.
  
  Saturday, Sunday - No problems... Universe is saving it all for Monday...
  
  Monday - Plumber stops by and outlines all the plumbing problems which need to be fixed. Worse than I thought, have heart attack thinking about cost. Have eye doctor appointment. Dilate eyes, which causes everything to be super bright, which leads to massive migraine. Come home to find cat (Floyd) hiding behind piano, on her side, panting and mewing. Have tickets to ballgame, which is no fun because of massive migraine and worry about dying cat at home. Leave game early and come home to find cat in same spot. Cry and stay up with cat all night hoping she doesn't die.
  
  Tuesday - Rush cat to vet first thing in the morning - cat severely dehydrated and tests to determine what is wrong plus IV fluids will be at least $500. Have heart attack, leave cat with vet, go to work, worry all day about cat, find out cat has severe urinary tract infection and requires IV antibiotics and overnight hospital stay. Have another heart attack but feel relieved that cat is not going to die.
  
  Wednesday, early morning - Wake up to worst storm ever. Have never heard wind so loud or rain so hard, even during past hurricanes. Freak out and grab children and bring them to bed with me. Consider going into basement, convinced a tornado is passing over. Chide self for overreacting until hear trees falling in the yard, then freak out and stay awake until storm is over to make sure windows don't blow in.
  
  Wednesday - survey damage in yard. Two trees completely blown over which were nice enough to fall into street, so will be problem of DPW. Huge limbs down all over yard, more trees blown over in backyard. Chimney cap in neighbors yard, trash cans in street, umbrellas destroyed, pots smashed. Have to move giant tree branches to get car out of driveway. Late for work. Streets closed due to downed power lines and trees. Even later for work. Main street in town is frightening. News says yup, possible tornado.
  
  Wednesday evening - pick up damn cat. Erik leaves for conference, leaving me all alone to try to wrassle oral antibiotic into cat's mouth. Takes an hour, only get half dose in, give up. Another storm blows in, knocking out power for 90 minutes. Happens when kids are in pitch black basement. Takes 30 minutes to calm down freaking out kids. Hang LCD work light from dining room chandelier and play Yahtzee with kids. Fun trying to give baths in the dark. No hot water. Give up. Go to bed early with kids. Let them sleep in bed with me due to freaking out factor.
  
  Thursday morning - wake up to find out coffee maker is dead. Completely dead. There is no coffee?!!! Shake fist at heaven and scream "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!"
  
  Thus concludes the week from hell.
  
  The cat is fine, by the way. By Thursday evening she was back to being a total pain in my butt, up in my business and climbing all over the laptop while I was typing.
  
  Erik is back home, thank god, and he is out in the yard cleaning up the fallen branches and chainsawing the tree. And he bought me a new coffee maker. Yay!
• 

  And a Quick Work Update

  Posted: July 26th, 2008, 3:05am EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  I alluded to a possible change in employment earlier. No news yet on that front. I will just mention this involves our gobernment and they are in no rush to fill this position, so... yeah, they haven't even reviewed the resumes yet apparently.
  
  I am okay with this. It's a job I would love but if it doesn't work out, I am happy where I am now. I have shifted my focus lately - the debt collection work I loathe has been mostly handed over to a paralegal, which is a huge relief to me. I have also been certified as a child's attorney in our county so I have been spending a lot of time representing children - this is work I believe in and enjoy, even if it can be emotionally difficult.
  
  So, that's the scoop for now.
• 

  Long Overdue

  Posted: July 26th, 2008, 2:51am EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  Yes! It is finally an upate! I can't believe how long it has been so I feel like I don't even know where to start. There has been a lot that's happened so far this Summer. Some good, some bad, some just downright horrible.
  
  School ended. We had our annual Tiki Party, which wasn't the best ever due to two factors:
  
  #1 the huge thunderstorm that rolled in, forcing us to move the party inside the house/in the garage. The storm was over by 8:00 and cooled everything down, but I think a lot of people had already decided to stay home rather than venture out.
  
  #2 the PTA brawl in my driveway. Two PTA moms got into a fight around 1:00-ish in the morning, and after that everyone sorta went... ooookay, time to go home. I am friends with both women so I felt extremely awkward. I haven't talked to either since that night, which makes me feel even more awkward. We still had about 75 people over the course of the evening but the vibe just wasn't quite the same as past years.
  
  We took our annual vacation to the Outer Banks, which was uneventful in the best most vacation-y way. The kids were extremely good this year and we had the added bonus of my niece Kaylee, who was 8 months old and gave me a nice cute-baby fix. I spent a lot of time napping and doing crossword puzzles, which is seriously my ideal vacation. And I got to visit the Sonic 4 TIMES - aaaaaaaaah.
  
  Once we returned, there were two more big events: Marc's testing and what I will refer to as TWFH - The Week From Hell. These each deserve their own entry so... Stay tuned for further updates.
• 

  I'm Meeeelting

  Posted: June 9th, 2008, 7:19am EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  Gaaaah. It is so freakin' hot and I had court today. Which means I had to wear pantyhose. Which sucks.
  
  So, I was duly chastized by cool Jen SIL for not updating my blog in a long time. So I am doing it RIGHT NOW.
  
  I am feeling much much better. It's so weird - it's such a gradual thing as the meds start working that I didn't really think I was doing better. Until Erik asked, well, when's the last time you thought about killing yourself? Hey! Yeah, not this week!! That's an improvement!!
  
  School is winding down now and I am looking forward to summer. There is a lot going on in the next few months and I am excited about fun times with my family. Work still sorta sucks but #1 I can deal with it and #2 I am exploring a career shift which might help ease that stress.
  
  I'll keep you posted.
• 

  Case of the Blahs

  Posted: May 14th, 2008, 1:27pm EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  I've been catching up on my blog reading and grumbling about people who just don't update their blogs often enough. As I realize - D'OH! It has been over a month since I updated my own.
  
  So here's an update.
  
  I am all healed from my surgery. It took a good two weeks before I felt even semi-normal again and quite honestly, I am *still* trying to get caught up at work.
  
  It didn't help that the removal of my IUD led to my first real period in about 3 years and I spent a good four days in a lot of pain and wondering how it is possible for one person to bleed so much without actually dying.
  
  The surgery combined with its related hormone wackiness combined with overwhelming work crap combined with whatever other unknown factors unfortunately spiralled me down into a horrible bout of depression.
  
  I have stayed on the Wellbutrin continuously and it was working fine, but I had to add the Zoloft back in. I am frustrated at the realization that I will probably need to just stay on the medicines for an extended period of time. I haven't been able to stay off of them for more than a few months without having a recurrence and I am now accepting that is just the way it is.
  
  These past few weeks have been so difficult. I have literally had to sit down in the morning and make a list of five things at work and one thing at home that need to be done. Then I have to force myself to go through them one by one. I am so frustrated and feel like it is unfair that so much has shifted onto Erik, because I am pretty worthless at the moment.
  
  Last weekend Erik & I left the kids with his dad and went away for a long weekend in Williamsburg. We went to Busch Gardens and spent the day riding roller coasters. The weather was crappy but that ended up being a good thing because it kept the crowds away and the temperature nice and cool. It helped lift my mood a lot to do something fun with Erik. We needed that time together.
  
  In other stuff, Marc is in the process of being tested and we will have a meeting at the end of May to determine his grade placement for next year.
  
  And really, I am going to try to be better about updating my blog.
• 

  Navel Gazing... literally...

  Posted: April 7th, 2008, 4:16pm EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  My belly button is glued closed. The doctor didn't use stitches, he used surgical glue. On my belly button. That is so weird.
  
  He wasn't just being nice when he said one week off work. It is Monday night and I still feel like total shit. There is no way I'm going back tomorrow. I'd be surprised if I make it back on Wednesday.
  
  I am SO exhausted and sore. Today I woke up, made coffee, took a shower and that was it. I was so worn out from standing up and taking a shower that I had to take a nap.
  
  I am bored out of mind and restless, but too damn tired to DO anything so I'm just ending up cranky. I tried to take the painkillers down a dose today, but by mid-morning I was so uncomfortable that plan didn't work so well. I am frustrated at being constantly loopy from the drugs and unable to do anything. I can't drive, I can't work, I can't even do simple things around the house.
  
  I have to keep reminding myself that my body really has been through some trauma and I need to be patient and let myself heal. But it is difficult when my office keeps calling me and asking questions and giving me messages. Come on - I am NOT calling people back from my house while doped up on massive doses of narcotics!!
  
  I feel doofy admitting that I kinda mourn the loss of my ovary. I mean, it was one of my organs and it feels weird to know it's just not there any more.
  
  In summary, Blaaaaah and yup, I am definitely staying home tomorrow.
• 

  I wasn't really using that ovary anyhow

  Posted: April 6th, 2008, 2:15am EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  It's been another long gap since I've posted. What a couple of weeks I have had.
  
  It started on Wed the 26th. I'd just returned to work from a nice relaxing long weekend, spending some great quality time with my kids and husband during their spring break. I was a little behind at work, but it was all things that I could easily catch up on.
  
  Wednesday night I started to have some pain in my lower left side. Sharp pain. Annoying. Getting sharper. Erik asked if I needed to go the emergency room. I didn't want to go and sit all night in the e/r to have them tell me I had gas and just needed to fart. So I went to bed.
  
  So Thursday I woke up and the pain is still there, still quite sharp and definitely still in exactly the same place. I went to work and suffered through my morning appointments until I could get in to see my doctor after lunch.
  
  The doctor ordered an ultrasound, but they couldn't do that until 5, so I went home and tried to sleep. And drink water - you have to have a full bladder to do the ultrasound. No fun to have a full bladder when someone is pushing down on you with a metal wand thingy.
  
  The ultrasound took about an hour - I had three different ones done and in the end it turned out I had an ovarian cyst. The doctor sent me home with some presription strength Alleve and told me it'd either rupture or shrink on its own within a few days.
  
  By Friday night the Alleve wasn't doing a damn thing anymore, so my dear friend who just had an ovarian cyst gave me some Darvocet to get through the weekend. I called first thing on Monday to get #1 a follow up with my gyn and #2 a stronger painkiller.
  
  I couldn't see the gyn until Tuesday afternoon. I spend Monday night crying on the bathroom floor in so much pain that I was literally shaking, sweating, crying, puking... It was awful. I somehow made it through the night and work the next morning. I even went to court. Crazy. I don't know how I did it.
  
  Anyway, Tuesday afternoon the gyn says the decision is really up to me. We can wait and see or he can do follow up imaging or we can talk about surgery. Now, after the horrible Monday night bathroom floor incident, I'm actually feeling better. We think maybe the cyst ruptured so we decide to wait and see.
  
  Wednesday into Thursday I feel better. Thursday night? I start to feel worse... and worse... I call the gyn first thing Friday morning and they set up an appointment for me at 12:45. By mid-morning I am in so much pain I asked Erik to drive me to the doctor, because I had to take a double dose of Lortab just to be able to walk.
  
  The drive from the house to the doctor and then walking from the van to the office did me in. I collapsed on the waiting room couch in the doctor's office crying, shaking, sweating, etc. I was in too much pain to even be embarrassed at that point.
  
  They get me into a room and I just lay down on the table while Erik rubs my neck. I was just breathing, trying to not scream and wail in the office. They doctor comes in and gives me some options. He can send me home with a strong painkiller, he can admit me for IV pain medicine and wait until tomorrow morning to re-image, or he can try to get me in for surgery asap.
  
  I told him I'd been doing the wait and see for TEN DAYS and it wasn't getting better and I wanted the mother fucker out. He called down to admissions, scheduled the surgery and shortly thereafter I was being wheeled downstairs to the hospital.
  
  During all this, Erik is making the phone calls - my parents to get the kids, gotta cancel my wax appointment, gotta find a replacement presenter for the luncheon tomorrow, gotta call the office, etc. etc.
  
  Once in the hospital, I finally got hooked up to an IV with some decent pain relief. I slept for most of the afternoon until it was time for my surgery. I didn't really get nervous until I was in the pre-op room and the anesthesia doctor and all the nurses started prepping me. Then it all sorta hit me.
  
  But by then the happy stuff was being administered and I was out.
  
  So. Here's what happened - the doctor went in to remove the cyst and found multiple cysts behind the one they saw on the ultrasound. He had to remove the whole ovary and the tube. I knew that was a possibility so I wasn't too upset about that.
  
  He also had to remove my IUD in order to do the surgery, which was okay because my husband's stupid insurance won't pay for the removal of the device. So that saved me $150 office visit.
  
  But it did make me feel quite awful for Erik - because looking back now he really didn't have to get the vasectomy after all. They could have done a tubal ligation on the other tube while they were in doing the surgery. Um, ooooops. Sorry, Erik - you have no idea how much guilt I am having on that issue right now.
  
  They released me the same night, which was nice - I got to sleep in my own bed and use my own shower. Yesterday I was really sore and uncomfortable, but this morning I am feeling much better. Still sore, of course, but it's just SO nice not to have the constant burning sharp pain I had before. And I have some very nice post-op narcotics that are making this much easier.
  
  I am supposed to be off work for a week, but I just don't see that happening. Unfortunately I have the type of job that nobody else in my office can completely cover. I am planning on staying home Monday, then easing back in Tuesday, just answering messages and mail for a few hours each day, maybe working on some files at home.
  
  It's been quite an adventure. Now that it is over I am starting to be upset about it. I mean, I am done having kids but still - it feels weird that they removed an entire ovary. Does this make me half the woman I used to be?
  
  I mean, I know it doesn't, but these are the thoughts I have falling asleep on high doses of narctorics....
• 

  Stunned

  Posted: March 19th, 2008, 2:24pm EDT by Liseysmom

  Tags:    [edit]

  I... I... I just wasn't ready for this. I was talking with Marc about Easter and asked him if he was excited to see what the Easter Bunny brings. He looked at me for a few second like he had a secret he wasn't wanting to share. Then he whispered... Um, Mom... I know it's you.
  
  I just blinked a few times. I asked him how long he's known. He says he figured it out before Christmas - he knows about Santa, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny... He knows it's me.
  
  I asked if he was afraid to tell me he knew. He said he was because he thought if he told me he wouldn't get presents.
  
  I told him, the secret is this - once you figure it out, you get to help. So he's coming with me tomorrow to help put together a basket for Lisey. And I told him he would still get presents too.
  
  I asked him how he found out and if somebody told him. He said no, he just thought about it and realized it really didn't make much sense. But if it was me and daddy it made sense.
  
  I tucked him in and went into the bathroom and cried. It's just one of those milestones I really wasn't expecting yet and it made me realize how much he's grown up.