Outer Lightness » Sideon's Sanctuary » November 2007

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  Moved So This Is the End

  Posted: November 13th, 2007, 1:26pm EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  If you haven't notice, I've started removing things - it's gonna be downright bare by the end of the week. I'll leave the blog posts and comments and retain the account so I can still COMMENT, but won't be calling Blogger 'home' any more. I actually migrated yesterday. (Anyone want to check me for feathers?) Please update your linky link love.
  
  The new digs are here or here: http://sideon.wordpress.com
  
  Love ya. Mean it. See ya on Wordpress.
• 

  Imminent Changes

  Posted: November 12th, 2007, 1:57pm EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  Time for major changes, such as dropping Google (including Gmail) and moving to WordPress. Yes, this blog is moving. I'm done here on Blogger. I can't morally and ethically be involved with a company that turns privacy and confidentiality into a commodity. For the record, I pulled back from Yahoo when they sold out human rights to the Chinese government, too. I'm at a momentary loss of what email provider to use, because it seems they each have various instances of sleeping with the government and outright fucking the same people (that's you, gentle reader) they supposedly serve.
  
  Follow the link to a list of nine reasons to hate and despise Google, posted at Beer is Not Food (direct link is fine, but there are many NSFW images elsewhere - you have been warned), which she got from Google as Big Brother.
• 

  Happy Places Happy Thoughts

  Posted: November 9th, 2007, 2:55pm EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  Directions: list today's top ten happy places and happy thoughts, things that make you smile or get you out of your fugly (that's the contraction of "fucking" and "ugly") space. Hat tip to Tewkes for this meme.
  

  1. Sounds silly, but I smile, and sometimes it's a big cheesy smile, but the simple act of turning that frown upside down can do wonders. If I can smile and make someone else smile? Well then, I could die happy right there, couldn't I.
  2. My cousin and my aunt, and I guess it's mutual, because even when we were in the hospital with my uncle, the laughs never stopped. We're very close and we've laughed so much over the years that even tone of voice or inflection and certain phrases can reduce us to breathless, epileptic fits while we're holding our guts from laughing so hard.
  3. The sound of rain, wind and thunder. I've been in storms that shook windows and torn shutters off houses, but I've never been afraid of the weather (except for visiting my folks in Texas, which doesn't count, because Texas is just plain fucked with their pre-tornado clouds). I love camping and hearing rain on a camper roof the most.
  4. Music. Certain music I'll never like or appreciate, like hip-hop, but for the most part, music calms, mellows, and relaxes me. The dance stuff makes me want to get up and dance - and I often do. I wear headphones at work and will sometimes dance at my desk. I don't care about the stares or eyebrows or "what are you DOING?" looks. Me likey, okay?
  5. Being with friends. Talking, sharing, connecting, reconnecting, over and over and over again, forever, amen.
  6. Writing makes me happy. I feel good about putting words together, stringing thoughts together, or attempting to place ideas or concepts in a framework that might be new or interesting to someone else. If I can make a difference for someone, then I have done some good in this world, I hope.
  7. Sexuality. Physicality, emotional connection, spiritual expression, lips to skin, tongue as interpreter, eyes as windows, sharing breath, crescendo of lifeforce, knowing and feeling the joy of eternal life against the finite minutes of catching your next breath.
  8. Water. I am drawn to the ocean, to lakes, to rivers. The fires of my life demand water and healing and a reminder to go with the flow.
  9. Fridays make me happy. I can stay up late or go to bed early and not worry about what I'm going to wear to work in the morning, what I'll iron, or where did I put my shoes. I can shut off my mind from work and be home with Scott and let myself be.
  10. Scott. He makes me smile in the morning, his voice on the phone during the day reminds me how lucky I am, and kissing him whem I get home from work is something I cherish every day.
      
• 

  Beer Beer and More Beer

  Posted: November 9th, 2007, 3:58am EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  Editorial notation: I always knew at heart that I was just a big girl.
  
  Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
  
  To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
  
  ----
  
  Don't anyone get their knickers in a twist - it's a JOKE! Oh. It's Friday. I'm BACK.
• 

  Back on Friday

  Posted: November 6th, 2007, 1:51pm EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  A quick note to say I'll be back on Friday. There is a fast and furious regional conference in Los Angeles and I head out first thing tomorrow morning for the 7:00am flight. My boss' flight this morning was delayed several hours due to fog in Burbank, so wish me luck - I really hate waiting in airports. It's downright implausible that I'll be online tomorrow evening, because the folks at this specific regional tend to be heavy on the drinking and socializing and I'm expected to participate (no one has to twist my arm on that one - I can already taste the tequila).
  
  See all ya'll late Thursday when I get back, which really Really REALLY sucks because I'm going to miss dinner with AZ Awakening in SF. Faaaaaawk.
  
  Assignment for all ya'll until Friday: if you've done a presentation/speech/public speaking before, share your most embarrassing moment. Pretty please. Sorry, but I have yet to hear anyone beat my Bells Palsy story, which I may have to share publicly sometime.
  
  Smooches.
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  Two Darks

  Posted: November 5th, 2007, 3:01pm EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  Today, I led the two hour meeting, went over the project parameters, and got their agreement on implementation dates. Before the meeting started, I hit the men's room and looked at myself in the mirror and made myself breath deeply until the hard edges left my eyes. In the meeting, the steering committee recommended a few minor changes. I made my case, I was flexible, and I was firm - and I was surprised my body didn't betray me and I start getting electrical charges along my cheekbone or have muscle spasms (remnants of Bell's Palsy). One individual expressed several compliments, but with him a compliment is the equivalent to a knife in the back. I took it at face value, which was simply a nice thing to hear. The one person I expected to be difficult was quiet, which is another clue that she'll throw up serious road-blocks later - when there's not an audience. My one outright supporter tried the "good cop/bad cop" routine, where he was the good cop, but I showed them how we could both be good cops and still get what we want. My boss has my back. I know I have her full support and I'm not floundering in the dark. She let me know, in so many words, that I have my own light.
  
  Tonight after dinner, Midas and I went for a walk. A very brisk walk - we were almost running. I thought about going back for a flashlight, but we went forward on our usual route. He goes to the end of the long leash then pulls back until there's no tension, or he falls behind until there's almost the tension's pull and he catches up again. There was a slight breeze, leaves falling onto the path. One stretch is almost a quarter mile and there are no lights - here I unleash Midas and let him roam, and he bounces and runs ahead and behind. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him. I love this dog, kissing him on the top of his head or hugging him, or breathing into his fur after I've given him a bath and dried him off. His favorite games are fetch and hide-and-seek. On Sunday we bought a glow-in-the-dark ball. He finds that or any other ball just fine - the phosphorescence is for us.
• 

  Dream Challenge

  Posted: November 4th, 2007, 2:00pm EST by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  Scott and I drove along the delta this afternoon in the Thunderbird. The weather was perfect. We talked about the last year over the hum of the engine. We know what we went through because we lived it: destruction, construction, remodel. We made an idea happen. We dreamed something and made it real. Together.
  
  Today Scott realized another of his dreams: trading the '64 Thunderbird convertible for a 1960 New Yorker convertible. Since I've known him, he's talked about this car, and now it's going to be his. Black, with red interior. I'm so tempted to joke about Batman and his Boy Wonder, but I'll refrain, and you can thank me.
  
  We've made our dreams happen together. He's made his dreams happen. Completely selfish moment alert, but I'm not quite sure how to articulate my dreams. What are my dreams? What do I want? What gets me up in the morning (other than needing to pee)? Knowing I can do what I want is not satisfaction - the petty part of me wants the road in front of me with the signs in large letters. The more sensible part of me knows that we drive and create the road. So I'm at the wheel, the engine's on, but I haven't put it in gear. Am I afraid to have my own dreams? Balance (and moderation) in all things: his, mine, and ours, right? I realize I'm doing the dream-envy thing. Cars are his passion. Remodelling was our dream. My challenge is sharing and stating my dreams.
  
  Okay then. A dream challenge. Excuse me if the list is a little meager, but in no particular order, here's the start of my dream list.
  
  - finish writing a series of novel ideas I've kicked around for decades
  - finish a sequence of stories (novel potential?) I started last year
  - write through the paralysis of self-criticality
  - earn a PhD after the multiple Masters I haven't completed yet
  - feel Scott's hands on my six pack abs (close, but no cigar)
  - start tai chi again
  - meeting very specific artists, writers, bloggers, photographers, and actors
  - relearn Spanish
  - start a fundraising program for a permanent labyrinth installed in front of the Westminster library (roughly $100-200K - hell, go for $500K)
  - meet my birth father again
  - find my other sibling(s)
  - attain director position with my current employer
  - forgive an old ex
  - write more poetry
  - talk less
  - know less
  - feel more
  - read more
  - share more
  
  Existential crisis averted for now. This sure feels like a meme.
  
  What do your dreams look like?
• 

  Not Quite a Funk

  Posted: November 1st, 2007, 9:16am EDT by Sideon

  Tags:    [edit]

  Dontcha hate it when that proverbial plate is too full. Pardon the lack of substantive details, but the last few days included: auditors, an interview by an attorney, presentations, mid-term preparations, more presentations, and an earthquake - yeah, that 5.6 in San Jose. Did you read "writing" in there anywhere? Me neither. I'm doing my damnedest not to feel bad, but ya know something, I really thought I'd have time to finish part XIII AND XIV. Tell me how it's a surprise that men think an inch is much bigger than an actual inch...?