Oh hi there. Probably thought I’d forgotten about this silly site, didn’t you. Yes, I’ve been busy, swamped with work (huge project I wish I could tell you about but I think it’s best that I stay identity-agnostic here) and planning a big move. No, not for me… for my partner. And, well, that’s kind of why I’m posting this.
We’ve been together for some time now, and the past 6 months apart have been torture. Luckily for me, she’s decided to move away from SLC (well, she’s excited to get the hell out of there too) and she’ll be joining me up north. And of course we’re in it for the long haul. And my family loves her. And I do as well. So everything should be awesome, no?
Well, it is, except for one not-so-awesome bit for my still-mormon immediate family: she’ll be moving in with me. My family lives largely in denial of my apostasy, preferring to think that I’m simply “struggling” or “inactive.” While my stomach would show proof of some sort of inactivity (I really need to exercise), I am in no way struggling. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, and the addition of my love to my daily life again is set to blow the happiness metre through the roof. But of course, the TBM half of the family are “concerned for [my] welfare.”
It’s strange to think that talk of me living with a woman I love causes concern and uproar, yet previous bouts with depression and chronic illness were looked at as “he’s tired” or “he’s sick.” It seems that only when I offend the delicate mormon sensibilities am I worth worrying about.
I guess on another level I’m preparing for the shit to hit the fan, in that this level of “sin” could be angled as an offence great enough to expunge my name from church records. Or at very least cause lots of annoying phone calls and attempts at contact from local church leaders. I’ve avoided removing my name from church records for a while because of my fear of what it would do to my poor mother, but I’ve set some ultimatums for myself as to when I’ll kick myself out of the church:
- If Boyd K Packer becomes president, I write my letter that day.
- Before I marry my aforementioned love.
Both events are in the coming years. BKP is next in line (if he survives), and my lady and I plan on marrying sometime in the next few years (no rush). The BKP clause is easy to understand for most ex-mos: he’s simply abhorrent. But why before marriage, which would seemingly be the event that would keep the LDS from kicking me out?
Well, she and I had a long talk about how my former faith and my family tie in to our future together. She laid it out like so: “Your mom needs to know where you stand before we have a wedding. She needs to know that you’re not coming back and that we have no plans on allowing our future family to be a part of the mormon church.” While she never stipulated my resignation, and she’s played no role in my exiting belief and the church, that stipulation really lit a fire under my ass. She’s right… no point in living in fear of what my mother or family would say.
Of course I’m not about to go and write that letter today. I have a site to build… ;)